From the Counselors’ Desk: A Reality Check About Kids with Phones

We are at a pivotal time in parenting communities where there is a notable shift between parents who didn’t grow up with a super computer in their hands and parents who did. Some current preschool parents in our society grew up with cell phones in their childhood, and parents (or soon to be parents) in their early 20’s grew up with a cell phone and posting pictures to document their lives. So there is a significant chasm of understanding between those parents who grew up with technology, and those parents that did not. The older generations remember being able to survive without technology at their fingertips, the younger ones never had that experience. So how can both groups of parents partner together with administrators and their own valuable life experiences to come up with real solutions to the technology challenges of today? 

Parents must first take seriously the issues that go along with giving kids the responsibility of using a phone or device. Though there are many benefits such as ease of communication and convenience that come with the use of a smartphone, let's be real about some of the drawbacks as well. Take note of this short list of some problems that may arise for your children.

Illusion of Safety

One thing that all parents can agree on is that they want their children to be safe. Safety is paramount. Where there is a difference in opinion often is whether being able to reach our children at any moment is a safeguard or an illusion of a safeguard. Having contact with our children via cell phones unfortunately also allows a gateway of communication with various other people and purposes as well. The question of how to monitor and balance those people and purposes is where all parents, despite the generational differences are caught in a dilemma. 

Inherent Risks

We have all heard of the inherent risks of smartphones to the point where it can almost feel overwhelming as a parent to navigate the need versus the risk. But it seems to be at a heightened point where schools also have to start weighing the risks as well due to the academic, mental, and social aspects that affect entire school communities. 

Screen Time and Health

Excessive screen time can lead to physical health issues that include eye strain, poor posture, and disrupted sleep patterns. It can also contribute to mental health issues such as increased anxiety and decreased social interaction.

Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying isn’t uncommon —  in fact, it is incredibly common. According to Security.org, a survey in 2020 reported that 44 percent of online users have been harassed or bullied online and one third of middle and high school students have experienced being cyberbullied. Some feel that the more disparaging statistic is that only 40 percent of cyberbullying victims report it to their parents, and only 30 percent report it to a teacher. This breakdown in communication between parents and their kids, and students and their teachers is just another contributing factor in the toxic severity of cell phones.

Online Soliciting  

Online predators are yet another inherent danger. The likelihood of parents being able to protect their children from predators and exposure to inappropriate content is almost impossible when children have the world at their fingertips. Even the protection of having a “small circle” of users in a limited messaging app can sometimes be an illusion. It only takes one child to (even unknowingly) bring content into that circle that may be harmful. It is important to understand that young people do not physically have the cognitive development to make good judgment when presented with all of the inherent risks so parents need to take extra steps to educate their children about online safety and monitor their online activities. 

Impact on Social Skills

Overuse of cell phones can hinder the development of face-to-face social skills, trust, and empathy, as children may prefer digital interaction over real-world interaction. As a result, young people often find themselves unable to read important social cues like body language and facial expressions that often assist individuals in navigating work, family, and social relationships in the future. 

Academic Performance

Cell phones are a distraction in classrooms and during homework time, and can affect academic performance and concentration. Students may develop shortened attention spans and get bored with long content more easily.

Sleep Disruption

The blue light emitted by screens and overall extended screen time can interfere with sleep patterns, especially if children use their phones right before bedtime. They may tend to not want to miss the next thing and may consistently stay up later than normal.

Addiction and Dependency

Children may develop a dependency on their phones, leading to issues with self-regulation and difficulty in disconnecting from digital media. FOMO, or "fear of missing out," becomes ingrained.

Parent/Child Relationships

Excessive phone use can strain parent-child relationships if children become resistant to parental limits or if parents struggle to enforce rules consistently.

Self-Esteem Issues

Studies have shown that cell phone usage can actually increase loneliness, depression, and anxiety. According to Columbia University’s Department of Psychiatry, the access to social media platforms can contribute to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Students are constantly comparing themselves to what they see on social media. The interference of sleep due to excessive use of cell phones also affects a student’s overall mental health. 

So what's the Solution? 

When we consider how God made us, how He created us, how He formed us and shaped us, creating is part of our design. And if we don’t participate in that, we are walking away from that innate part that God created within us and missing out on a lot of our own potential. As the saying goes, you’ll never know what’s possible if you never try. And having the potential for exploring the gifts that He has given us with the purpose to please God is truly an honor within our Father’s kingdom. Whether you are a Generation X parent who grew up having to get up to change the channel on the TV, a Millennial who grew up on a Gameboy, or a Generation Z parent who grew up on social media, parents are passionate on the topic of safeguarding their children. We may have different perspectives on how to get there, but all parents can find unity in the cause of upholding the safety of our children and the children in this generation. Here are some tips to get to a better common ground with your child:

Set Clear Rules and Expectations: Establish guidelines about when and where phones can be used. For example, phones should be placed on the charger in a common space or in the parent’s bedroom during the night.

Lead by Example: Model good phone habits yourself. If you’re always checking your phone or using it during family time, your child may mimic these behaviors.

Use Parental Controls: Utilize built-in parental controls and apps to monitor and limit your child’s phone usage. These can help manage screen time and block inappropriate content.

Encourage Balance: While respecting privacy, keep an eye on your child’s phone usage and the apps they use. This can help you stay informed about their digital activities. Speaking of activities, encourage your child to go offline and promote engagement in non-digital activities, such as sports, arts, or reading. Encourage face-to-face connections and peer relationships.

Be Supportive: Just like you are trying to navigate this online world, so is your child. By keeping the lines of communication open, children will feel supported enough to go to a parent when a digital issue arises. Although our immediate reaction may be to punish and take away the phone, we encourage you to use this moment to get to the heart of the issue. Using a Biblical worldview, parents can help their child to understand why the behavior is inappropriate and what the desired outcome is.

Be Encouraged

The facts are clear — parenting is harder today than it was twenty years ago.  The Surgeon General and countless other agencies and research centers are flagging the dangers so much that it often feels overwhelming. But as believers in a faithful and loving God, parents have to lean on the Word of God to help support the hard decisions we have in front of us. God’s word is a living testament to His faithfulness that has guided us as parents throughout time — even in this current culture where we often feel like we are over our heads in technology. Timothy 3:16-17 states: "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."  Rest assured that prayer and proactive awareness in your parenting — even in the realm of smartphones — will guide you in the great work of raising children in the digital age. 

Viola Lussier serves as a High School Counselor and Director of Counseling Services at Mount Paran Christian School. If you or someone you know needs to talk to someone about issues you are facing, please reach out to one of the MPCS counselors, who can offer support and resources.

References: 

Parenting Children in the Age of Screens

Security.org  

Surgeon General Urges Action 

Social Media is Causing our Children to Suffer

Click here to learn more about school counseling services at Mount Paran Christian School.