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6 Ways to Guide Children Through Grief

No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. -C.S. Lewis

Grief is a complex and deeply personal emotion that affects each of us differently. As adults, we may face a range of feelings — anxiety, fear, sadness, depression, and even a sense of insecurity or trembling. Often, we try to stay strong, yet we may resist surrendering our pain to God, believing we must handle it ourselves. While adults may have a better grasp of the concept of death and loss, children are still developing their understanding of these difficult experiences. As parents, caregivers, and mentors, it's essential to guide them through their grief in ways that are loving, supportive, and constructive.

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It’s crucial not to become paralyzed by grief. While acknowledging our emotions is important, we must also release them into God’s care, even when it feels incredibly difficult and raw. Healing doesn’t happen instantly; it’s a gradual process that unfolds over time. Grief for adults and children alike may never fully vanish, but over time, the intensity can lessen, and the pain will take on a different shape, ultimately leading to a place of peace.

 

The Challenge of Grief for Children

As Christians, God makes it clear to us that there is life after death, but for a child, that idea may be difficult to grasp. For children who have experienced extreme grief by the loss of someone close to them, there may be much confusion. The understanding concept of “forever” is not one they can easily understand. They may ask,

“Why did God take him away?”
“When is she coming back?”
“Why did this happen to me?”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Can I visit him in heaven?”

How can we help our children move through their grief and not get stuck in it even when we too are experiencing such unbearable loss? Here are some practical ways to support children through grief.

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Teach the Power of Prayer

Putting God first is what the Bible tells us to do, but there are times where our emotions are so overwhelming that we forget or do not even know how to move forward to do so. In Psalm 46:10 it says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Sitting and praying with your children regularly will teach them that they can go to God with their worries. The daily habit of prayer on a regular basis is transformational  because it calms the heart and heals the mind.

"I call out to the Lord, and He answers me from His holy mountain." -Psalm 3:4

 

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Encourage Routine and Stability

While grief is a powerful emotion, maintaining a consistent routine can provide children with a sense of comfort and normalcy. Children thrive on structure, so helping them continue regular daily activities can offer them stability during an unsettling time. Encouraging them to find joy in movement, art, and socializing can help children process their emotions so that they can work through their grief. 

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." -Matthew 5:4



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Lead by Example

Children can sense our emotions more than we realize. While it might seem best to hide your emotions from your children, it can be helpful to show your children that it’s okay to grieve.  Because they are watching and observing how you are dealing with your own grief, they will follow your lead to see how they should interact. If you are open with your children about what you are feeling, it may help them understand how to describe their own feelings. There is a good possibility that this will help them form an even deeper connection to you because you are sharing grief, rather than experiencing it in isolation. Being open and honest about your grief may also help them feel safe to share and express in their own words what they are feeling. 

“Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain.” -Isaiah 40:4

Grief is shown throughout the Bible in many different stories. Naomi grieved the loss of her husband and sons (Ruth 1), Mary of Magdalene wept outside Jesus’ empty tomb (John 20), and Jesus wept when moved by the sorrow of his friends crying for Lazarus before calling him out of the tomb (John 11). Through these stories we can learn from the Bible on how to navigate our grief in a biblical way. 

We will all go through the valley of the shadow of death at some time in our lives. Thankfully, there is encouragement throughout the Bible to lead us through these times. Jesus tells his disciples “I promise that I will never leave you helpless or abandon you as orphans - I will come back to you” -John 14:18.

 

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Be Present and Available 

Being present and available for your grieving children is one of the most important things you can do. This may be very difficult if you are also working through the same grief as your child. While it is important to be open and honest with your children about your feelings, there will be times where you will have to set aside your own feelings so that you can be present for your children. Let them know that you are there for them. It’s important to validate their emotions and encourage them to talk about it — assuring them that it is ok to feel joy even when they are sad.

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts before him; God is a refuge for us." – Psalm 62:8

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Be Patient With the Process

Grief is not a linear journey. Some days will feel like progress while others can feel like setbacks. It’s important to reassure your child that healing takes time. Be encouraging and affirming of their feelings but also help your children learn coping strategies to get through the moments when you are not available. Remind them that they can pray, breathe, count to 10, etc. Let them know that there are people available like family, friends, teachers, and school counselors who are there to help.  

"Where there is no counsel, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety." – Proverbs 11:14

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Consider Professional Support 

There are many wonderful counselors that specialize in children’s therapy. Even if just for a season, giving your children permission to talk to someone who is an objective listener about their feelings and learning coping mechanisms on how to work through their grief is monumental in the healing process. Art therapy and play therapy are also great options for grieving children. At Mount Paran Christian School, counselors are ready and available to help support your children during the school day as well. Having a support group that cares is a tremendous encouragement for those hurting and is necessary for healing to occur.

“Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” -Psalm 30:5

"We might never know why God calls people to leave this Earth when He does. What we do know is that God “will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” –Revelation 21:4 

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Walking Together Through Grief

Grieving is an incredibly difficult process for both children and adults, but by walking through this journey together, we can help children navigate their emotions and find healing. Grief is not something to be rushed or ignored—it’s a process that takes time. Through prayer, support, and patience, children can learn to cope with their grief in a healthy way and move toward healing. And in the midst of all the sorrow, we hold on to the hope that, with God, there is comfort, peace, and a future free of pain.

Psalm 23, A Psalm of David 

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely  goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

 

Diana La is the Assistant Director of Communications at Mount Paran Christian School. 
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