ParentEd.: 9 Tips for Parenting Girls

It is often said that there are no instruction manuals for parenting. But actually, the Bible gives very specific instructions on parenting, especially in Deuteronomy 6: 5-9. Essentially: love God, teach your children how to love God, read His scripture, write His scripture, wherever you are, all the time. 

Deuteronomy 6: 5-9 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. 

Simple, right? No, not really. Teaching our daughters to love God and memorize his Word to hide in their hearts is only a part of it. A significant part, but still just a part. As parents, we aim to cultivate their spiritual, emotional, and intellectual growth, guiding them to become strong, faithful, and compassionate women. Here are some tips on how to do those things:

1. Introduce Biblical Stories and Focus on Prayer: 

When they are young, children are naturally curious and absorb information like sponges. Introduce them to the Bible through age-appropriate stories. Emphasize the lessons of love, kindness, and God’s power. As they grow, encourage deeper engagement with the Bible, help them understand the context of stories and the relevance of Biblical teachings in their daily lives. 

Incorporate prayer and devotion time within your discussions on a regular basis. This helps them understand the importance of a relationship with God. Show your daughters how to turn to God in prayer in times when they feel helpless or confused on how to deal with issues.

2. Create Intentional Time: 

Provide space and time for discussions such as around the dinner table, and in the car without cell phones. Sometimes hard rules have to be made around limiting device usage (especially for the shorter commute rides) but the outcome is so worth it. Laughter and chaos in the car or around the kitchen in preparation of a meal can sometimes lead to the best conversations. Maintain those open lines of communication. Discuss topics like friendships, peer pressure, and body image from a Christian perspective. Listen actively and provide guidance rooted in faith.

3. Discover Her Uniqueness:

God makes every child different, and it is our job as parents to get to know who they are individually and try to foster the purpose He has for each of them. That takes time – and it is the quality of time and not the quantity of time that makes a difference. As young girls grow and change, listen to what is important to them. Very often, God reveals His plans for them in some of the hopes and dreams that they express when they are young. Surprisingly, those hopes and dreams remain very similar as they continue to grow because God has implanted it into their heart. If parents try to discover, and uncover, where their daughter’s hearts are and where their daughter’s focus is by open conversations, it allows for the young girl to create a profound sense of safety and security to express themselves. This is crucial to their development as a young woman because as parents you are not only teaching them to listen to what God has laid on their hearts, but that they can talk to you about anything and you will always be there to listen. 

4. Encourage Questions:

Young children are full of questions. Encourage them to ask about faith, God, and the world around them. Answer their questions patiently and honestly, fostering a safe space for spiritual growth. Also, be available. As much as we try to schedule everything as parents, sometimes our children need us outside of our proposed time. Take advantage of those conversations and moments that your girls are most likely to talk– even if it is a time that isn’t the most convenient for you. Very often, some of the deepest talks when our daughters need us are at the end of the day when parents are exhausted, or even awoken out of sleep. But if they come to you needing to talk, be there. You can sleep another day.

5. Foster Church Connection and Compassion:

Encourage active participation in church activities to build a supportive community and strengthens their faith. As they grow older, encourage leadership within the church and community. Whether through leading a Bible study, participating in mission trips, or volunteering, these opportunities help them develop confidence and a sense of purpose. Model having a servant’s heart and teach compassion and kindness. Engage in simple acts of service together, such as helping a neighbor or participating in community service. This instills a sense of empathy and the importance of helping others. 

6. Foster Self-Worth and Provide Strong Role Models:

Affirm their worth by reminding them they are wonderfully made by God. Celebrate their unique talents and characteristics, helping them build a positive self-image rooted in their identity as God’s children. Introduce them to strong female role models from the Bible, such as Esther, Ruth, and Mary. Foster relationships with trustworthy Christian women who embody faith and strength. 

A message to Dads: Date your daughters. Teach them what it means to be valued as a Godly princess and treat them as such by dressing up, taking them to dinner, pulling their chair out for them and opening the door for them. They will not be able to conceptualize how they should be treated by someone if that isn’t modeled for them at home. 

7. Address Doubts and Respect Independence:

Pre-teens, teens, and young adults may begin to question their faith. Address doubts and concerns with love and understanding, reinforcing that questioning is a part of faith development. Foster their critical thinking by discussing theological and ethical issues. Encourage them to explore their beliefs and understand why they believe what they do. Have open conversations about life choices, including career aspirations, relationships, and personal goals. Provide a Christian perspective on these topics, emphasizing the importance of seeking God’s guidance. Respect their growing independence while remaining a supportive presence. Allow them to make decisions and learn from their experiences, offering guidance when necessary.

8. Prepare for the Future:

As girls approach adulthood, prepare them for the challenges of maintaining their faith in college or the workplace. Discuss practical ways to stay connected to their faith community and continue their spiritual growth. Most of all, as they work out their life plans, remember, our daughters are His and not ours. Very often, we are so caught up with our own expectations and aspirations for our kids that we forget what His expectation is, or what His path for them might be. Along the way, it is important to ask yourself these types of questions:

1. Are these young ladies becoming who God wants them to be?
2. How can I continue to invest in the future that He wants for them and separate how the outcome of God’s desire for them may look to others? 

For example, if you are in a social circle that breeds lawyers and doctors and your daughter has artistic gifts or feels pulled toward mission work, you have to check yourself to ensure that you are not adjusting your priorities to what you want but instead adjusting to what He wants for your daughter’s future. 

9. The Thief of Joy

The thief of joy is social media. Read that again. Social media is not only the thief of joy, it is the nuclear bomb of joy, and you don’t need anything stealing your daughter’s joy. Keep your kids off social media as long as possible. If you feel yourself giving into social media, ask yourself why. Is it for their benefit or for yours because you don’t want the battle? Every parent learns early to choose their battles, but this is an important one. Look at the data.

More on Social Media

If our daughters compare themselves to what others present as the best parts of themselves on social media, they will always fall short. That is when again, the expectation of what we should do as parents and who our daughters are to Him should always shift back to God. What gifts has God given my daughter? Who are they supposed to be in His eyes? Will they see that on social media? We have to focus on what His will is for them, not other people’s comparisons. 

We also need to reflect someone that is pursuing the right things as our children watch. If we don’t show the message that we are beautiful without makeup, or we constantly criticize the way we look, our daughters will reflect those same behaviors. They are always watching, even when we think they aren’t. If we aren’t carefully paying attention, our daughters will fall for the falsehoods being portrayed in a social media driven world. The daily judgment from others chips away at the beauty and talents that God has given them as well as the God-given purpose for their lives. 

Unconditional Love

Girls very often get way too immersed in societal expectations because girls innately have a deep desire for love and acceptance. It is our job as parents to point their compasses back towards God because true acceptance, value, self-worth, and unconditional love comes from Him. 

The guidelines set forth in Deuteronomy feel basic, but God’s truth in the words is resounding. If we hide His truth in our hearts, write it on our doors, profess it to our children, talk to them while in our houses, tell them of God’s love for them when we walk, when we rise, and set our eyes on those truths, it gives us the perfect guide to parenting without the comparisons, the guilt, and the social landscape of falsehoods that children are walking through today. 

Parenting girls in a Christian home is an evolving journey that requires love, patience, and faith. By laying a strong foundation in their early years, guiding them through the complexities of adolescence, and supporting their transition into adulthood, you can help them grow into women who love God and others deeply. Remember, each child is unique, and the most important thing you can do is to love them unconditionally and pray for God’s wisdom and guidance as you nurture their hearts and minds.

Syndi Kyle serves as a High School Social Studies Teacher and a twelfth-grade level chair at Mount Paran Christian School. 

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