ParentEd.: 5 Tips for Fostering Friendships and Social Skills

Social skills are an essential part of a child’s development, but for many children and their parents, navigating social situations can feel like a daunting challenge. Whether it’s making friends, managing conflicts, or expanding social circles, these skills play a crucial role in a child’s emotional and social well-being. Some of the counselors at MPCS gathered to discuss what social skills look like at various stages of development, the common struggles children face, and how parents can help nurture these skills at home. Here are some key takeaways.

Understanding the Importance of Social Skills

Social skills are not just about being "good at making friends." They encompass a wide range of abilities that help children interact with others, communicate their needs, and navigate the complexities of relationships. From understanding body language and tone of voice to learning how to resolve conflicts, these skills are foundational to success both in school and in life.

For some children, though, developing social skills can feel overwhelming. The good news is that social skills can be learned and nurtured over time, especially with support from both educators and parents.

Challenges Kids Face 

When we talk about social skills, one of the most common concerns parents and educators raise is how children form and maintain friendships. Children often face different social challenges depending on their age and environment. So, what do counselors hear when they talk to kids at various school levels?

Elementary-Age Challenges 

For younger children, particularly those in lower elementary grades, one of the biggest hurdles is stepping outside their comfort zones and forming new friendships. Many kids may struggle with branching out beyond their established group of friends. In small communities, like the one many of these children grow up in, kids often find it easier to stick with familiar faces—friends they’ve known since preschool or kindergarten.

However, as kids get older, it’s important for them to recognize that there are other kids around them who also deserve a chance to be included in their social circle. It’s important that we encourage children to be more inclusive and open to others and welcome new peers in their friendship groups, which is a critical part of social skills development.

As one counselor shared, “It’s about helping kids see the value in new friendships and teaching them how to approach these situations with kindness and openness. A big part of it is simply recognizing that there are other kids in the community who want to make friends too.”

Middle School Challenges

In middle school, the social landscape shifts dramatically. Peer groups become more fluid, and kids often navigate the complexities of social dynamics more intensely. At this age, the online vs. in-person divide becomes even more apparent. Many middle schoolers find it easier to communicate through texting or social media than face-to-face, which can create a disconnect when they are actually in a school environment.

Some middle schoolers resolve their social issues through text messages, but without the benefit of nonverbal cues, this can lead to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts. This also contributes to the "disconnect" that kids sometimes feel when they interact with others in person, only to retreat to their devices afterward.

Counselors encourage parents to limit screen time where possible and help their kids engage in more face-to-face interactions. The sooner children learn to navigate in-person social settings, the stronger their social skills will become.

High School Challenges

High school brings its own unique set of challenges when it comes to friendships. Freshmen often struggle with transitioning from middle school, either trying to hold on to old friendships or find their place in a new group. Meanwhile, some students experience a divide when they start to seek more independence, with juniors and seniors wanting to branch out from their established groups.

The most important lesson high school students need to learn is that it’s okay to have friends at different grade levels and that friendships can evolve. It’s also important to teach kids that while having a wide social circle is nice, quality friendships are what matter most.

Another emerging issue in high school is the role of online friendships. Many students have friends they only know through social media, and it can be strange to see them in person and not interact as expected. It’s a reminder that online interactions are not the same as in-person connections, and maintaining relationships in the real world requires more effort and vulnerability.

The Role of Community in Social Skills Development

Another key point discussed during the meeting was the importance of community support. In a small community, like the one some children grow up in, it can be difficult for kids to branch out from their established circles. However, counselors and parents can encourage kids to look beyond their familiar group of friends and make an effort to connect with other kids who might be looking for the same thing: a friend.

Whether it’s through school or church events, extracurricular activities, or even neighborhood gatherings, finding ways to bring kids together outside of their usual social group is an effective way to help them develop a wider social network. It’s also an opportunity for kids to learn important social skills, like sharing, compromising, and problem-solving.

Practical Tips for Parents to Help Kids Navigate Socially 

As parents, it’s easy to feel like we’re on the sidelines when our kids face social challenges. But the good news is that there’s plenty we can do at home to support our children and help them develop healthy social skills.

1. Model Positive Social Behavior

Parents are invited to model the behaviors they want to see in their children. If you want your kids to practice good communication, make an effort to engage in meaningful conversations at home. Put down your phone at the dinner table, maintain eye contact, and show interest in what your child is saying. By practicing these behaviors in your daily life, you’ll show your kids how to interact more thoughtfully with others.

2. Normalize Social Struggles

It’s natural for kids to struggle with friendships at different points in their lives. Counselors encourage parents to be good listeners and help their children work through these struggles without overreacting. Instead of rushing to fix the situation, offer a listening ear and help your child process their feelings. Remind them that friendship challenges are a normal part of growing up, and they can be valuable learning opportunities.

3. Don’t Rescue Your Child

It’s tempting to jump in and protect our kids when we see them struggling socially. But over-parenting in social situations can prevent kids from learning how to solve their problems independently. As one counselor shared, she encouraged a parent not to intervene when their child had an issue with another student, allowing the child to resolve the conflict on their own. This approach teaches kids responsibility and resilience, which will serve them well in future relationships.

4. Encourage Face-to-Face Interaction

In today’s world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of relying too much on technology for communication. Parents should encourage their children to engage in in-person social activities where they can practice conversation skills and build stronger connections with their peers. Whether it’s organizing playdates for younger children or encouraging teens to attend social events, face-to-face interactions are key for developing strong social skills.

5. Help Your Child Find Their Niche

It’s natural for kids to want to fit in with a certain group, but it's important to help them understand that they don’t need to have a large circle of friends to be happy. Instead, encourage your child to cultivate relationships with a few close friends who share similar values and interests. You can also help by modeling kindness and inclusivity, teaching them that they don’t need to be best friends with everyone, but they should love and respect others.

The Bottom Line: Social Skills are Needed for Long-Term Success

At the end of the day, social skills are a life skill. Whether it's navigating friendships, working in teams, or building relationships with partners and colleagues later in life, the ability to connect with others is essential. While the challenges of raising kids in a digital age may seem daunting, parents can make a difference by modeling healthy social behaviors, providing opportunities for face-to-face interaction, and encouraging kids to work through their social challenges independently.

Parents, you’re not alone in this. If you're feeling unsure or overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. School counselors, therapists, parenting, and church communities are there to support you as you guide your child through the complex world of friendships and social skills.

Melissa Troskie serves as a the Middle School Counselor at Mount Paran Christian School. 

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